Issues

I specialise in issues that I am passionate about and matter to me personally. I believe that by concentrating in these areas I am better able to offer my clients the level of support they need. Please read through my information below and contact me if you would like to start working with me.

Overcoming Anxiety, Stress or Burnout

Being concerned or having anxiety or stress about things is perfectly normal and healthy. In fact, in the short term, it is necessary to heighten our responses, solve problems, make realistic appraisals and decisions. We might have exams to take or test results to receive, be worried about our job or relationship. We resolve the problem and return to normality.

The fast-paced, instant world we live in demands we multi-task, juggle family and work, be available and reachable any time of day and night. The media tell us what we should be, how we should look, what we should have. But if we can’t manage our time or if we loose our ability to prioritise, the impact on our health, emotional and physical wellbeing as well as our relationships, work and quality of life can be high.

The more you feel out of control or unable to stop, the more anxious and stressed you become. It’s a vicious cycle of overload.

What’s the effect of all this stress?

Too much anxiety or stress for too long, means too much adrenalin (and other hormones) pumping around your body. This leaves you exhausted, drained, hyper-sensitive and jumpy. You may be unable to switch off or relax, you might be irritable or angry, you may be searching for answers or clues, fearing the worst and believing you won’t be able to cope when or if, it happens.

Physical effects vary from person to person, from shaking, sweating, sleeplessness or palpitations though to panic attacks, anti-social behaviour and OCD.

In your behaviour, you might withdraw physically or mentally, procrastinate, seek reassurance or tranquilise your feelings with alcohol, drugs or other coping behaviours. Burnout can occur, particularly in the workplace, if stress levels are prolonged and at such levels that you cease to effectively function.

What can you do about it?

The answer lies in understanding what is behind your anxiety, what you believe about it and how this impacts your life. This includes any coping behaviours that you have that perpetuate the problem.

Together we will look at healthier coping strategies, consider how to balance your life, manage your time, manage change effectively, prioritise and keep perspective on what’s important to you. We look at the stressors in your life, separate the genuine from stories you tell yourself and learn new techniques and skills. I will support you to change and enhance your life in positive ways.

Anxiety related conditions come in many forms:

  • Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
  • Stress
  • Agoraphobia
  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and related conditions
  • Panic Attacks and Panic Disorder
  • Anxiety based depression, or Mixed Anxiety and Depressive Disorder (MAD)
  • Specific phobias
  • Body Dimorphic Disorder (BDD)
  • Health Anxiety
  • Social phobia and social anxiety
  • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
  • Separation anxiety
  • Emetophobia (fear of vomit or vomiting)
  • Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
  • Burnout
  • Insomnia (anxiety related)
  • Unhelpful ‘coping habits’ e.g. skin pulling, hair pulling, nail biting, etc

As an Anxiety UK Approved Therapist, I am experienced in working with a wide range of anxiety-related conditions.

Simply call me on 07452 829821, email me at info@londonandsurreycounselling.co.uk, or complete the form below.

Building Self-Esteem & Self-Confidence

There are hundreds of self-help books written about building self-esteem and confidence, about how to overcome negative feelings about ourselves. Why? Because it’s just not something our society is good at teaching us.

Negative beliefs about yourself, others and the world are what lead to low self-esteem and self-confidence. These are beliefs, not facts and can result in a number of unhelpful emotions and behaviours such as anxiety, depression, envy and shame that may lead you to withdraw from others at one end of the scale or could result in reckless, compensatory behaviour at the other end.

What causes low self-esteem and self-confidence?

Often from childhood, where many people’s lack of self-confidence originates, you are told you are not good enough, not clever enough, not thin enough, not attractive enough, and not fast enough. Whether you hear these messages at home, school or in the media, you have come to believe it. Or you confidence and esteem might have been lost following a negative or traumatic experience.

You may then seek evidence from your life to prove your negative beliefs and filter out evidence that would disprove them! This further lowers your already negative feelings about yourself and if you ever trusted yourself, you may stop doing so.

What can you do about it?

With the right support, you can understand how and why your negative beliefs maintain your low self-esteem and low self-confidence. Plus it is possible to change these, to build your self-acceptance and learn to manage any negative feelings you have about yourself.

By working with me, you will understand your triggers, learn skills and techniques to manage low self-confidence, build self-acceptance and notice negative patterns or warning signs.

I offer a safe place for you to talk about, understand, work through and ultimately deal with your feelings. We will work together to define strategies that sustain and maintain your self acceptance.

How to begin working with me

Simply call me on 07452 829821, email me at info@londonandsurreycounselling.co.uk, or complete the form below to begin building self-esteem and self-confidence.

Fighting Depression and Low Mood

Depression and low mood are heavy, dark emotions. It is likely you feel stuck, like you are wading through treacle to do even the smallest thing and you might feel hopeless and helpless to bring positive change or improvement. You might feel like a failure, that there is literally no light at the end of the tunnel and that life and happiness is happening to others, but passing you by.

You have probably tried forcing yourself to think positively, tried pulling up your proverbial socks and looking on the bright side, but it hasn’t worked and the negative thinking and low mood continues.

You may be attempting to boost your self esteem, deal with, cover up or terminate your feelings in self-destructive ways such as using alcohol, drugs or other coping behaviours such as shopping, gambling or overworking.

Or you may have withdrawn into yourself and hidden under the duvet, or wish that you could, because you feel so lethargic and drained.

You may also be experiencing anxiety, stress, low self-confidence, sleeplessness and you may feel ashamed or guilty that you feel this way. You may have suicidal thoughts or have harmed yourself.

What causes depression?

While there are different causes of depression, it is not uncommon for major life changes or experiences such as death, trauma, relationship breakup, redundancy or illness to trigger it. The bottom line is that depression feeds on itself and spirals downwards from there.

How can you combat depression?

The good news is that you can fight depression. It is treatable and it usually passes. There are no quick fixes, but if you want to beat it, you can.

In working with me, you will understand your triggers and learn skills and techniques to manage it. Wen you are feeling better, you will be able to notice patterns or warning signs that a depressive episode is beckoning and take positive action to prevent or minimise it.

I offer a safe place for you to talk about, understand, work through and ultimately deal with your feelings. We will work together to define strategies that sustain and maintain your overcoming of depression.

How to begin working with me

Simply call me on 07452 829821, email me at info@londonandsurreycounselling.co.uk, or complete the form below to begin fighting depression.

Anger Management

What’s the cost of your anger?

Your answer might be, ‘my relationship/family’, ‘my career’ or ‘missed opportunities’ or it may be ‘my happiness’, ‘my health’ or ‘my peace of mind’. There may be more besides and so you probably have much more to lose with outbursts of anger than just your temper!

It is OK to appropriately express healthy anger or annoyance. But, if your rage and frustration get out of control, it’s a very different story. In the heat of the moment, you might throw or destroy things, you will say and do things you regret or are harmful to others or you.

Ultimately, if your response is disproportionate to what triggered it, then it’s probably time to change. Anger often has its root causes elsewhere and is likely a symptom of stress and strain occurring in your life or in a relationship with another person at home or work.

By working with me, I will help you to:

  • Stop Your Anger
  • Understand Your Anger and its Destructive Patterns
  • Control your Anger and Learn to Express it Better
  • Change your Life and your Future

What you can do

I offer a structured practical three-step anger management programme developed by Citizen Anger Management (Citizen Coaching CIC). The programme has helped thousands of people to since it was first established in 2005.

We will concentrate on understanding the root causes of your anger and building coping strategies and practical actions you can take. I will show you how a few practical tips, techniques, phrases and actions can make the world of difference.

I offer the programme as a one day small group workshop or as one to one anger management sessions. The programme can be delivered in person via web, in small anger management groups or as one to one anger management.

I understand that it can be hard to take the first step and admit you have a problem with. So, please contact me and we can have a chat on the phone before committing to attending a course or one to one sessions.

Seek my support now before it’s too late.

How to begin working with me

Simply call me on 07452 829821, email me at info@londonandsurreycounselling.co.uk, or complete the form below before it’s too late.

Recovery from Addictive, Compulsive and Habitual Behaviours

Addictive and Unhelpful Behaviours

Recovery from any type of addictive and compulsive behaviour is possible. This could be from substances such as alcohol, drugs or nicotine or behaviours such as gambling, relationships, sex, eating, shopping, self-harming and overworking.

If your actions are having a significantly detrimental impact on your life, your relationships, your health, your career or your self esteem and you feel that you can’t stop doing it for long, no matter how hard you try, it is probably time to seek support.

If you identify as having addictive or compulsive behaviours, it also likely that you feel ashamed of yourself, feel anxious and/or depressed and have low self esteem. You might also feel guilty, angry or hurt. You might be frustrated that your attempts to stop are not working. You may feel that your life lacks purpose.

How I can help you

I offer a safe and confidential place for you to talk about, understand, work through and ultimately deal with your feelings.

I will help you build motivation and take positive action to change your addictive and/or compulsive behaviours. We will help you understand how they took over your life, how you can change them and support you to learn to accept yourself.

We will explore your triggers and patterns and work to change the negative belief system that maintains your addictive and compulsive behaviours.

We will use techniques that work for you to gain and sustain your recovery. And should you wish, I can support you to explore spiritual aspects of reconnecting with yourself.

I offer professional support if you are on a 12 Step or SMART Recovery journey or I can work with you independently of any such programme.

How to begin working with me

Simply call me on 07452 829821, email me at info@londonandsurreycounselling.co.uk, or complete the form below begin your recovery from addictive and compulsive behaviours.

Breaking the cycle of unhealthy relationships

Having one unhealthy relationship in your lifetime might be considered unfortunate. A chance to learn and grow; part of growing up perhaps, so long as you leave it, move on and don’t repeat it again. But what if you have a pattern of unhealthy relationships with love or sexual partners, friends, family, work colleagues. Or you realise that your relationship with yourself is poor? If so, you might identify with some of the list below:

  • You feel trapped in a relationship or friendship and feel you can’t leave it because being on your own is scary.
  • You enter into and stay in unhealthy relationships no matter how bad the other person’s behaviour gets.
  • Your partner, friends or circumstances might change, but the end results are no different: another unhealthy relationship.
  • You feel you can’t change things for yourself and need someone else to rescue you or make it better for you.
  • You don’t believe you deserve anything better.
  • You give ‘your power away’ to other people so that they have the power to make you feel good or bad about yourself.
  • Wherever you go or whatever changes you make, it still ends up the same.
  • Despite your efforts to control and manipulate others, be a perfectionist or create a screen of perfection around yourself, the patterns repeat.
  • You have difficulty setting and maintaining appropriate boundaries.
  • You feel that if you could make those around you happy, you would have a purpose and stop feeling ‘less than’.
  • You need people to need you and admire you so that you feel good about yourself.
  • You may be medicating with alcohol, drugs or other unhelpful or habitual behaviours in an attempt to cope or pretend there is nothing wrong.
  • You might feel depressed, anxious, angry, hurt, ashamed or guilty about your pattern and the circumstances that you find yourself in, possibly yet again.

If you identify with some of the above, you may have a cycle of unhealthy relationships. You may also identify yourself as codependent.

What can you do about unhealthy relationships?

The bad news is that your cycle is likely to persist until you make positive and fundamental changes. Ignoring the problem, hoping it will go away or change with your next relationship, friendship or locations move will not make things better. In fact, it’s likely to make it worse as time lapses and the pattern repeats.

The good news is that it is possible to stop this and change for good. This is by changing your relationship with yourself and by changing how you relate to others. There is no quick solution. It takes time to unpick and understand how and why you interact the way you do. It takes time to build a positive relationship with yourself and learn how to interact healthily with others. But it absolutely possible and I will help you and support you to do this.

In working with me, you will understand what lies at the heart of your patterns. You will also discover how your belief system about yourself, about others and about life keeps the cycle alive. We will work on fundamental changes, coping strategies, stressors and triggers. We will also learn new techniques and skills to help you sustain your change, manage and enhance your life in positive ways.

How to begin working with me

Simply call me on 07452 829821, email me at info@londonandsurreycounselling.co.uk, or complete the form below to begin breaking your cycle of unhealthy relating or codependency.

Begin working with me

Please call me on 07452 829821, email me at info@londonandsurreycounselling.co.uk, or complete the form below.

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